I weighed myself this morning, as I do, in an OCD like way, pretty much every morning.
I know! It’s against all the advice to weigh yourself every day etc. But when you’ve spent quite a large proportion of your life – no pun intended – being nearly three stone heavier you tend to like to keep tabs on these things.
Anyway, the scales told me what I knew already. Too much cake, not enough training. The cold wintry weather has brought me out in a recent rash of sticky-bun-itis, coupled with stay-indoors-blues. Not a good combination.
Last week I clocked up doughnut on Monday, mincemeat flapjack on Tuesday, carrot cake on Wednesday, iced fruit bun on Thursday, apple pastry thing on Friday, chocolate éclair on Saturday, and bread and butter pudding yesterday. Yum!
On the running front I only managed to don the trainers once, albeit for an off road 13 miler, but not enough to cancel out the calories. Hmmm!
My running goes like that. There are weeks where I’m driven and enthusiastic, resulting in a laundry basket full of sweaty sports kit, and other times where it sits looking at me in the drawer, all neat, folded up and ignored.
At times like this, I wonder: “Am I really a runner at all? Who am I trying to kid?” It’s similar to those: “What I am doing here,” moments you get on a marathon. You’ve gone partway, you’re beginning to get a bit tired, but you’ve still got a load of miles to do.
Not unlike my blog – this will be my 26th post, a full six months of writing once a week. If I manage to keep it up to coincide with when I reach my 50th marathon, I’ve still got another 18 months, or 78 posts, to go. Eek!
I feel a sudden urge to comfort eat and reach for the cake tin. But I guess I really should dust off the trainers, dig out the shorts and get back on track.
At times of doubt like this it’s sometimes good to reflect how far you have come:
When I started this blog on the 10th June, I’d just clocked up marathon number 25. Now I’m on 34.
I’d just scarily been diagnosed with OCD. Now I’ve completed 16 weeks of therapy and feeling much better, and more aware of “who I am”, for it.
I started this blog, having no idea how it would develop, who would read it. I’ve had nearly 2,000 hits overall, and it’s been accessed by internet users in more than 30 countries.
I wanted to raise awareness of and increase funding for dementia. I’m up to £2,500 in fundraising for the dementia research charity BRACE, and I’ve had a few mentions in the local press.
When your goal is still a long way off, sometimes its good to stop, take in the here and now, and also look back – see how far you have come – rather than always straining to look forward, wondering how and if you’ll get there.
And if in looking back you stop and eat cake, well why not. Who cares what the scales say anyway!