I’ve recently been going through one of those moments in life, when I’ve really not been sure what I’m doing and why?
I just responded to an online writing challenge to tell something in 50 words, by writing this paragraph……..
Fifty is an important number to me. I’m trying to run 50 marathons by my 50th birthday next May. This story is already more than halfway to 50 words. I’m at marathon number 38. This is word 38. Writing 50 words isn’t easy. But it’s easier than running 50 marathons!
Writing online content – even as little as 50 words – and posting it out into the ether is still quite strange and unnerving, despite 40 plus weeks of doing it.
And running marathons remains a forbidding experience, even having clocked up, by now, thousands of miles in events and training.
To be honest, I felt like pulling out of yesterday’s race – summoning up the motivation beforehand was really hard, and I wasn’t looking forward to it one bit. I forced myself to get up and go, but still on the drive there, my mind kept giving me reasons to turn back.
However, I made it to the start line and once underway my worries and fears started to diminish. I had a great race, working hard but feeling strong all the way round, and finishing in a very satisfying time of 4:21. Marathon 38 ticked off, 12 to go!
I got home last night and discovered that one of the newest followers of my blog is someone a bit like me – diagnosed with OCD, and who’s suffered from depression – and I was like: “Wow! I made a connection.
“Someone I’ve never met, who lives halfway across the world, shares some of the same fears and vulnerabilities, has discovered and read something I’ve written and signed up to keep reading.
“How great is that?!” I said to John, my husband.
I don’t get paid for running marathons. I don’t get paid for writing this blog. I do both through my own self-determination.
On days when the doubts creep in, it’s good to be reminded that money isn’t the only source of motivation and satisfaction in this crazy world.