Feeling grateful for moments of calm

Looking back at the last six months, they’ve been a bit s*** at times. It began the morning after John’s 79th birthday, July 26th, he woke up covered in poo and over the next three months to the middle of October it was a few times weekly if not daily occurrence, involving clothing, bedding, carpets, bath mats, and John himself.

Obviously I was in contact with his GP, they did several tests, but never got to the bottom of it, no pun intended. Then as suddenly as it started, it stopped, or more accurately went back to the intermittent double incontinence episodes which are part of John’s ongoing health issues.

I’m open about writing about how I’ve been affected by mental health issues over the years, how dementia affected my dad, how it’s affected John and I’m typing this now having asked John if it’s OK to write about these personal things and with the deepest of respect to him for how he stoically copes with his various issues.

Recently he’s had a few falls, lower back pain and increased urinary incontinence. He was in hospital for five days and faces ongoing tests including for enlarged prostate, very much in today’s news because of King Charles being open about his condition. Another reason I feel emboldened to write honestly about John, in the hope it helps other people living with similar issues.

In hospital one of the lovely nurses Natalie, said to John she thought he sounded like King Charles. “Bugger that,” said John in reply. “Oh yes that’s just like King Charles,” laughed Natalie.

It was a light hearted human moment in what was at times a rather detached hit and miss experience of being in hospital. The staff were clearly under pressure and working hard, but John’s dementia was not always taken into account and on the day of discharge it was me as his carer asking questions that prompted further issues to be considered, hence the forthcoming prostate exam.

John was so down in hospital, it was sad to see, away from his chair, TV, his pipe and usual home comforts. On the evening of admission, after a day in A&E, the ward nurse asked if he’d like a drink: “Yes I’d like a glass of red wine please,” said John quick as a flash. Vintage Johnners!

It’s not easy being a carer at the best of times, and when the person you’re caring for develops other issues beyond the everyday, it becomes even harder.

But I’m determined to keep doing my best for John, try and look after myself as well, four months of tinnitus and two months of a cough, hasn’t helped.

We’ve had a rough six months, I’m hoping the next six will be easier and looking forward to celebrating John’s 80th birthday with all the wonderful carers, friends and family who are helping us both cope. Thank you all.

It was about this time four weeks ago that part of the garden oak tree came down on a wild stormy night. A hint of red sky out there now and all is calm. I’m grateful for such moments.